She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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