remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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