i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
