Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
