Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
