She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
