Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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