You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize