talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
