thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
then he tried to convert me to islam
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
