I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
