I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
