Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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