I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
