no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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