i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm like, not good at living.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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