New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
