I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
