So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
