you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
