Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
