it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
