C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just pynch a tree in the face
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
