i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
