we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
