Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize