Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
