you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
two words...techno handjob
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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