Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
