you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
