ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
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I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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