you didnt know i had herpes?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
