genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
