I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
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the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
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Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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