legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
