My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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