please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
