I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
