My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
