just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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