the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
