I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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