Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
