maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
