I cockslap morals
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
