how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she peed on how many people?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
