Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
