the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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