Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Just invented taco cereal.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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