Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
