I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
And then my night got REAL pukey
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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