I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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