I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
