Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
