sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
