these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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