that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
