Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
