im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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