My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
