Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
