I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
