you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
