he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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