Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
