Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
