you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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