we made out on top of his cat.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
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She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
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i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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