NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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