my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
