i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I need to stop coming to work sober
worst night to have a conscience
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
