he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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