The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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