every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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