i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I know her cup size but not her name....
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
