then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize