Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
