I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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