my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
